I bet when you read the title the first thing that came to your mind was The Wizard of Oz! I used to always think that until I found myself in the snow miles away from home undergoing substance abuse treatment at no other than Hazelden. My stay there for the following 30 days landed me on the first floor of the woman’s unit and the theme was “Follow the yellow brick road.” Till this day I still have my ruby red slippers that the 5 of us sisters bought and vowed to stay clean and sober for as long as we could, the slippers would remind us that we were not alone on this journey! So yes, you have guessed it! I am a person in recovery from substance abuse. I have 12 hours clean time. (No NO NO, I didn’t lapse or relapse! I just woke up! I love to joke so I know this gets people when we are sitting around in a meeting)
I ended last year celebrating my 42nd level of life and the highlight was becoming an official grandmother! To your left I would like to introduce to you Jaydon Nakoa, who is now 7months old. If i were to be honest, grinding for my BA and babysitting my grandson, and raising my 16-year son are the most important factors in my sobriety. Juggling just these three important factors in my life give me enough adrenaline I am on a natural high for they all require my full attention. The photo below is of my 16-year-old who just got his license. This of course means I have a personal chauffeur, and the last of the cars I do have in my possession will now be handed to the youngest of the Children of the corn! Where does this leave me present day? No other than home, babysitting while trying to spend the right amount of time online doing schoolwork. Some say that my life is boring. That is fine with me because this routine keeps my attention long enough that I don’t need to go out and seek comfort in poisons crap. My children are happy my mom is happy but most importantly I am happy, with myself. 
Some of you are probably wondering looking at that ID, where is SAIPAN? It is in the middle of freaking NO WHERE, kidding it’s in the Pacific Ocean. It is summer all year long with the occasional typhoons which are more familiar to you probably as cyclones. I have been an island girl all my life. My children are also islanders. I had planned to move state side since my daughter was going into high school, we just graduated with our AA in the year 2022. I’m still here but yes, I still plan to move abroad, to enjoy more of what is out there and not to mention the job opportunities that will become available to me once I get my BA.
When I was younger, I wanted to be a nurse. That later changed to I wanted to be a housewife. Needless to say, none of what I wanted to be ever happened! I decided that experimenting with drugs and doing illegal things were more exciting and challenging. Till I got into some trouble and was given an ultimatum. Go figure I finally came to my senses and decided the Queen of the South life I pretended to live was not going to get me very far. While getting my crap together I found myself working in a Sober Home as a peer support specialist. I loved it, I was familiar with the work, the sort of people I came in contact with but most of all I felt a sense of relieve when I was able to give hope to others that life would not always be the way it was, I had hope, and enjoyed helping others find the same. This is what brought me to pursing a social work degree.
When covid struck and I was furloughed I needed something to keep me busy I was not sure if returning back to school would be the answer but low and behold it was. I have been unemployed for several years, living off government aid while trying to straighten up my life for the better. This is the yellow brick road I travel every day. I know I am on the right path and eventually I will get to where I need to go.
On our small island there is a demand for mental health workers. So many of our people and families battle with loved ones who have some sort of addiction. I want to be one of those who is certified to help and give our people what they need to become better and let them know it is okay. Temptation is strong to fall. I don’t want to sound cliche and say If i can do it so can you, I just want others to know that when they are ready there is help. If they allow me to listen to their story that is the best thing, they can do for me for that reminds me I need my kind to remember what I have and never take for granted, because I can lose it just within a blink of an eye.
The very reason I want to be better are those pictured right here. I am constantly reminded, to the world I am a mother, but to my children I am their world.
Comments
7 responses to “Follow the Yellow Brick Road….”
Hi Vanessa,
Thank you for sharing these beautiful photos. Your story is full of strength. And I absolutely love the yellow brick road and red slippers story!
I really appreciate your willingness to bring light to your recovery and tell your story with a bit of humor too!
Is Hazeldon the treatment center you went to? Where is it located? Just curious:)
Thank you Vanessa!
Hi Van,
Never lose hope and I’m glad that your protective factors are your family as it is mine too. It is the relationship with them that makes it worth the while to stay sober. I think if it weren’t for my family, I will really be lost.
Vanessa, I remember first hearing about your story last semester, and seeing more and more of your outlook on life and can-do attitude is inspiring. I think many of us within this major have similar mindsets, and while we all have different ways we think or work towards our goals, I believe that a lot of us simply want to reduce the amount of hurt in this world when it comes down to it. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us and I think its safe to say we all wish you and your family the best. Keep up the good work and take care!
Hi Vanessa! I am from Saipan as well! Wow, how exciting that we can both relate on a more closer level! Seeing your title made me smile, considering that the Wizard of Oz is one of my mother’s favorite films to watch. I knew I wanted to click on your profile instantly.
The one thing I noticed about your blog is how real it is. I can really see and hear your personality straight out of my laptop! The way you opened up on your life and your journey to a better place, has really inspired me. I also noticed that you touched on the topic of not having enough mental healthcare providers in Saipan, because this is also one of the social issues I am very passionate about. My father recently got diagnosed with Stage 4 Esophageal cancer, and seeing him suffer because of the constant medical referrals has created this drive in me to want to do better in our community. Great sharing!
Congratulations on following your dreams and passion to care for your family and working on pursuing your education!
Wow, just wow. You are one strong woman. You would think that this blog is gonna be easy going with the title but it full of emotions, full of love, and full of life. I am so proud of you that you are willing sharing that part of your story. It shows that you do not see it as a weakness but as a strength. I just want to say that you are strong, you are a fighter, and you are not alone!
Hey Vanessa,
Great story. I think that your “yellow brick road” and “ruby red slippers” vow is so incredible. That really is an awesome way to remind yourself that you are not alone on your journey.
I’m totally with you on the “occupied by children and school” thing. I have two littles of my own, and I am constantly kept busy and enjoying that natural high. Parenthood (and grandparenthood in your case) is exhausting, but we are blessed to look at it in the way we do.
I think it is really awesome that you want to move and work abroad, because that is actually what I hope to do as well!
You have a great story and I’m sure you already know it, but you should definitely be proud of yourself for how much you have already accomplished and for the help you plan to do with your degree.
Thank you so much for sharing your story and I wish you the best on your journey!
Good evening. Your story is so inspiring, it brings me to tears. Your photos shared are wonderful as well. I’ll keep this short as I’m finished with the the assignments, but your post leapt out at me. Thank-you so much for sharing, and may your will, ever be strong!