We All Need Some Sand Sandy Beach, Douglas AK, January 17, 2024
To begin my story, I must start from one of the most impactful places, Juneau, AK – specifically Douglas. This is the famous Sandy Beach! I’ve had many experiences at Sandy Beach, that formed me into who I am today. I started coming to Sandy Beach as a young child on the 4th of July. I grew up in the valley, so I only visited Sandy Beach a few times a year – making it an extra special visit. When I was 18, I got my first minor consuming here – leading to me moving out of my parent’s house and renting an apartment in Douglas – ironically, above the beach.
As I moved through my early 20s, Sandy Beach became my haven. I would walk the trail every evening with my dog to help cope with anxiety – reminding myself of the beauty around me. I find myself visiting Sandy Beach more often when I crave inner healing. Throughout the first year of postpartum, I pushed the stroller down the very trails that I navigated as a child and adolescent.
Palm Branches St. Paul’s Church, March 25, 2024
This photo was recently taken on Palm Sunday. I grew up going to church and religion has shaped who I am significantly. My experience with religion has been a winding road. The church I grew up in was very legalistic and in a lot of ways unhealthy. Some of my harsh inner thoughts stem from the teachings I was taught – such as fear, not believing that my opinion matters, and a lot of black-and-white thinking. After leaving the house, I didn’t step foot in a church for ten years until recently.
My husband comes from a catholic family, and it was important to him that our sons got baptized. I didn’t have a problem with that – however, as a child, I was taught that Catholics go to hell. This made me come to the realization of how much being brought up in that environment shaped me, and that I was subconsciously making decision based on fear. I held onto a lot of shame from things that most people (and shouldn’t) feel shameful about. Since going to the Catholic church the past few months, prayer has become a way that I’ve been able to cope with life – the stress of school and anxiety. However, in my experience with church as an adolescent, I’ve had a change in the way I think about religion. Just because the Catholic religion is beautiful to me, doesn’t mean that other religions are wrong. Learning about other religions has only deepened my faith and have respect for others. It has also shown me how religion can help bring about community and coping during difficult periods of life.
Home is Where the Pizza Is Kitchen, April 10, 2024
Currently, the most impactful environment, outside of my childhood, I’ve had is right here. These little hands, my blue countertop, and my husband. Our physical home is in Douglas (are you surprised) and about a 5-minute walk to Sandy Beach. The kitchen is where we cook as a family, I spend a significant amount of time cleaning (also a great way to decompress), where arguments happen, where we greet each other and say goodbye. This is the first home we’ve bought as a couple and the home where our kiddos are growing up.
After this course, I’ve learned so much about how impactful one’s environment is, especially in childhood. My home is a reminder that this environment (physical and non-physical) is shaping who my children will be. I’m putting a lot of work into making it a loving home, safe, but also a place that is set up for them to explore – have their own space, yet be welcomed to come into my space. Something that’s been hard to grapple with is the fact that many people in our world, even country, don’t have the luxury of living in a safe home or neighborhood. How would you go about changing that? I’ve learned the creation of a community project can help, such as a community garden.
Bed Restin’ Condo Seattle, WA, December 29, 2021
During my pregnancy, we moved to Seattle because I was deemed high-risk very early on and my doctor believed they wouldn’t be able to adequately meet my healthcare needs. We lived in Seattle for 6 months and I was put on bed rest after my first appointment in Seattle – I was 20 weeks. Due to the number of appointments I had to attend each week, our condo was located right across from Swedish Hospital. Being close to a NICU and the best doctors, I felt safe throughout my pregnancy, despite everything that was going on. However, mentally, being on bed rest, as a once very active person, was tough. Not only that, but the housing prices were outrageous .
I quickly realized how fortunate I was to have the financial security to afford a place that was safe, clean, and convenient. We met one of my husband’s friends for lunch who was also staying in Seattle because of a liver transplant. He was living in an apartment that wasn’t sanitary or safe, but that’s all his insurance would pay for – which was GOOD insurance. My situation could have been a lot different if the environment I was in felt unsafe.
Two Trying To Come Too Soon Swedish Hospital, February 16, 2022
This picture is significant to me because the hospital became a place that has shifted who I am today and why I feel called to the profession of social work. At this moment my husband is monitoring my contractions – I was 30 weeks pregnant and had to stay in the hospital for a few days to help slow down labor.
This was incredibly scary for both of us; as you may know, there can be a lot of complications involved with preemie babies. During this stay at the hospital, it would’ve been beneficial to come in contact with a medical social worker. As a first-time pregnant mother, I felt completely lost and scared. I believe the experience would’ve been less daunting if I had the option to talk with someone about what was happening on an emotional level, but also someone to advocate for me, as I didn’t know my options.
Double the Blessings Swedish Hospital, March 25, 2022
This moment right here is when my whole life changed. Learning to be a mother has been a profound experience and more profound has been the blessing of watching my two littles thrive, explore, and learn. I think it’s important to note that I had a c-section during COVID-19, so we weren’t allowed to have our support system in the hospital. Three days after giving birth, the boys were transferred to the NICU. As any parent can imagine, this was very difficult, even though we knew it would save their lives.
The first month of postpartum was difficult, to say the least. There were complications during my surgery, so the healing time was longer than usual, the hospital didn’t have room for us to stay with the babies during the NICU stretch, and I was pumping around the clock. I could have easily fallen into postpartum depression during this time if it wasn’t for my parents traveling to Seattle. Why doesn’t our healthcare system provide support for women right away? This is the question I was left grappling with a year after my experience. Social workers could be a vital piece in the gap by supporting new mothers, being there to listen, providing educational information such as tips on breastfeeding, the importance of attachment, monitoring the mental health of the mother, how to take time to take care of oneself, the list goes on.
Road to Social Work University of Alaska Southeast, April 6, 2024
This is a picture of my freshly turned two-year-old kiddos at the UAS campus, where I’ve spent many hours studying and writing papers. After my stint with the healthcare system and experiencing the gaps provided to mothers – I became passionate about wanting to help others in the same boat. I decided to apply to the UAF Social Work program, and the rest is history. This is my last semester of classes and then I will do my practicum next fall/spring!
Being almost complete with my education is something I’m very proud of, as I honestly didn’t think I would ever graduate from college. I grew up in a home where education wasn’t necessarily a priority, so I never saw the importance. It wasn’t until meeting my now husband that I started to fall in love with learning. Being educated has transformed the way I think and view the world, especially after taking my social work courses. It’s the first time that I’ve been exposed to an environment that encourages me to think critically, speak up about my ideas, and value differences. As a revolutionary (future) social worker, I want to empower the people I serve to also think critically and learn to express their ideas. So often people are taught to stay small as children, hindering the natural potential they have within.
Mountains Unlimited Eagle Beach, April 13, 2024
This is Eagle Beach, where I’ve been taking the boys to a lot lately. I’m lucky to live in a place where there is fresh air and easy access to nature. As someone who has anxiety, I have found that being outdoors is incredibly healing. When I was first diagnosed with anxiety, I was prescribed medication. My doctor didn’t mention any “holistic” ways of managing my anxiety symptoms. This makes me laugh now, but as an anxious person, I was too weary to take the meds and was sure I had something more serious than anxiety (can anyone relate?)! Instead, I decided to try therapy.
My therapist is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, and she was the first person to recommend spending more time outside. Eager to feel better, I started doing daily walks outside. My symptoms started to feel less unmanageable. Over time, she started introducing other ways to manage, such as tweaking my diet, breathwork, yoga, and meditation. It took me longer than 6 weeks (apparently that’s how long medication can take to kick in), but for me, it’s been a night-and-day difference. I think it’s time we hold off on throwing medication at an “issue” and look at ways we can heal through our daily habits. What do you do to help cope with hardship or uncomfortable emotions?
Thank you for taking the time to read my blog!
Comments
18 responses to “The Ways I’ve Been Shaped”
Hi Alexa, thank you for sharing this with us in your post! There were several parts that stuck out to me and that I could relate to in my own ways. A big part of my life was influenced by my mother’s own experiences with post-partum depression as she had experienced a major life-changing incident right before my birth in which her father killed himself merely a month before my birth. This trauma affected her severely and while I have seen many of the effects throughout my life, I have also seen her begin to heal in major ways over the last few years. The other of your post I felt I could connect with was how you mentioned needing to be outside in nature more. I have also struggled with mental health issues and living in Alaska caused them to be exasperated as the outdoor environment that existed up there was not healthy for me. It was only upon my return to my home state of Missouri that I was able to reconnect with nature and the outdoors in a way that provided healing and safety. Thank you once again for sharing your experiences and I hope you and your family are in good health. Great job on the post and have a wonderful day!
Hi Lane,
Thank you so much for sharing! I’m so happy you were able to relate to my story. Postpartum depression is something that I think society wants to push under the rug and not deal with; as you mentioned, it affects more people than just the person going through the depression. I can’t imagine how hard it must’ve been for your mother to lose her father.
Nature can be healing, especially in a place as special as home! I’m glad you made the move to Missouri and have had the opportunity to heal and reconnect with your roots.
Alexa,
I wanted to thank you for sharing such a personal experience in your blog, first and foremost.
I found your post and story interesting, and you prompted me to think of some questions about this, as well. You said that you grew up in an environment that supported a black and white way of thinking. Are you still working on changing your mindset or is it now much easier to see gray areas?
You also mentioned how helpful it would have been to have someone to talk to and help support you at the hospital (especially during COVID). What do you think would the three most important things for the social worker to do to support new parents or mothers?
I too am working on learning how to cope with my mental health symptoms every day, and knowing how difficult that can be, I commend you! To answer the question posed at the end of your blog, things I do to help myself cope would be walking through the nature preserve near my house with the dogs or reading a really good book.
Thank you for helping me to see a perspective I did not have before.
Hi Ariel,
Thank you for reading my blog! I should have included that in my blog, so thank you for asking this question, but yes, my thinking has dramatically changed. I can find myself t thinking in black-and-white terms while thinking about my own life, such as, “I didn’t get the grade I wanted, I’m being lazy.” Instead of the approach of, “I had a really hard week, and it’s great that I was able to finish my assignment.” But as for my world-view and the way I look at others, I feel like I’m very open-minded and not judgemental. I hope that answers your question!
The three most important areas for social workers to help support new families I think are during the first 12 weeks of postpartum (4th trimester), specifically, home visits where a social worker can be there for emotional support; during the hospital stay, making sure the mother is getting questions answered from medical staff and help navigating the health care system; and lastly, during the last stages of pregnancy. I think this is a time when social workers can help mothers prepare for bringing a new child into the home, whether that be looking for care for older siblings, getting enrolled in Medicaid, food stamps, etc.
Great questions! And like you, reading a good book always helps me when I’m in a funk. I would love to hear any book recommendations!
I was raised a Catholic and attended a private Catholic school but have not attended regular Sunday mass. When it comes to religious practices, I feel that sometimes we are forced to do things out of the norm. I guess when it comes to spirituality, we all can find meaning to something else other than church. I have anxiety too and outdoors works wonders. I live on an island with white sandy beaches so that helps a lot. Gardening is something to think about as well and you can have your beautiful boys help out. Good luck in your next journey.
Ana,
I agree with you regarding organized religion. I think my previous experience has really allowed me to not feel pressured into certain things if that makes sense.
Gardening is such a great idea! I’ve been wanting to this spring, so maybe I will actually try it out 🙂
Thank you for reading my blog!
Wow, just wow Alexa this blog was very intense. It was amazing You were able to share a very big experience about yourself. I know if it was me I probably couldn’t do it. I agree with growing up in a community where it was black and white and now trying to learn that there is gray area out. There is not just one way or another way. You can do it multiple different ways. That was a really good point and a lot of people from my community would definitely see that and agree with you because we grew up with my way or the highway. So thank you for that.
Hi Sierra,
Thank you for your response! It takes a lot of inner work to let go of that thinking – it sounds like you’re on the same journey 🙂
Hi Alexa!
I always enjoy reading through your blogs. They’re always so well informative and well written. As a lover of text myself, I enjoy reading through it! I can definitely say we have so much similarities. I relate to you in the way you love and appreciate the ocean. I grew up in Saipan, which is an all year long tropical island. I enjoy going to the beach with family every other weekend. I also relate to you in the way you look at the topic of religion. I had a hard time when I was younger, because my religion was always going against what I believed God was. I guess you could say it’s “black-and-white thinking”. I noticed you kept in touch with Sandy Beach! There’s no place like home. I also applaud you for being graceful and positive throughout your journey of motherhood. I’m not a mother myself, but I always applaud parents whenever I can.
As for your last question, how I deal with the hardships in my life, I like to spend time with my family. I also enjoy going to the beach, reading a book, while my partner fishes along the shoreline. I weirdly also enjoy alone time. I live for the quietness of the day. The moment when you finish work and go into your car and everything just quiets down. I love that.
Great sharing!
Hi Carmen,
You always leave such thoughtful responses – thank you for that! I’ve read your blogs about Saipan and I want to visit, it looks so beautiful! Juneau can have snowy/rainy winters, so I’m always wanting to leave for the tropics around January.
Thank you for sharing how you cope! That sounds so peaceful. Like you, I crave my alone time as well. There’s something about the quietness that is healing.
Hi Alexa,
I really enjoyed your photo story and you sharing what connected you to social work! Wow! Twin boys! Doesn’t get any better than that! My spouse and I recently had a baby boy and outside of the 5 minute tutorial about breastfeeding we really didn’t get any other support. Shoot we had to find out the hard way that he wasn’t breasting feeding because he some kind of illness in his mouth. Went to the hospital over and over about him not latching and they finally said oh he has x. I think about if it was a family without adequate health insurance, all those hospital visit we had would have put the parents in a situation to make a hard financial decision when they should just be able to get the support their family needs. I’m glad you’re graduating soon and will be able to transfer this passion in the class into the workforce!
Hi Olanda,
Gosh, it’s stories like this that make me feel so bummed that our healthcare system hasn’t figured it out! I think social workers are very much needed when it comes to helping families out during the 4th trimester, specifically advocating for parents and getting them the help/resources they need.
In a perfect world, your family would’ve had access to someone who would come into your home (we all know how hard it is to leave the house during the first few months with babies) and help you guys figure out what was going on. But you’re right, families without insurance would be in a situation where they might not even reach out for help due to the financial burden.
Hi Alexa,
I really enjoyed reading your story and learning about how your experiences have motivated you to help others. You’re going to make a significant difference in the lives of new moms one day, and that’s an achievement you can be truly proud of. Being a new mom can be overwhelming, and your story has the potential to support many people in similar situations.
I remember when I first tried to stop drinking, I realized I couldn’t stay in my community because there were too many temptations. So, I moved to stay with a family member in Douglas, just across the bridge. The beaches there were so peaceful, and spending time in that environment really helped me cope with my post-acute withdrawal symptoms. Being near the ocean had a calming effect on me. Someday, I hope to return to Juneau to visit.
Hi Danelle,
Aww thank you, that’s encouraging to see comments like this! I hope I’m able to make a difference.
What a small world! I went through a period when I stopped drinking and Sandy Beach was a place I also went to help with temptations. I’m happy that the ocean and beaches here also had a positive impact on you and your healing journey. Reach out if you ever come to town!
Hi Alexa, you have a beautiful family. Thank you for sharing part of your life. I really like that you live just a five minute walk from your favorite beach growing up, following one of your dreams. I’ve also been more into holistic avenues of health and well-being, so I can relate to you not wanted to take medication and choosing to see a therapist. I’ve taken maybe three times of pharmaceutical drugs in the past seven years. I won’t get into it but I take turmeric capsules for my osteoarthritis in my joints, amongst other organic supplements. Thanks again for sharing your blog.
Victor,
Thank you for sharing – I’m always empowered to hear that others are trying holistic approaches to healing! I took turmeric to help with seasonal depression, it’s such a great healing agent for many things!
Hi Alexa,
Thank you for sharing. I had my youngest right before Covid hit. He was still under 1 years old when it hit. I totally understand your fears and worries with being a new mom and during a pandemic. It was hard for everyone, but really unlocked a fear I did not know could be there. I personally deal with stress with reading, playing video games, crafting, and yoga. During my youngest pregnancy, I was crotcheting a blanket. I did find that it helped with my anxiety and stress, but I couldn’t use that blanket after it was done. I felt that all those negative emotions were in the blanket and did not want my son to be wrapped up in those emotions. It reminded me of intention. My grandma used to say the intention when you are doing something effects the outcome of the thing. My intention in making the blanket was to help me cope with my emotions. Not to protect and warm my child. It is also why love can be a secret ingredient for cooking. It changes the flavor.
Ana,
Your comment made me smile! I also believe in the power of intention, what made me smile was that cooking with love changes the flavor. I couldn’t agree more 🙂
I’ve never thought of knitting or crocheting as a tool to cope, but that’s such a great idea! I will have to try that out.
Happy end of the semester!