By: Alexa Adelmeyer
As I’ve sat pondering on the question, “Where am I from?”, I originally wanted to write Juneau, AK, and leave it at that, it turns out, there’s more to that answer.
I was born in Juneau, and I’ve never officially moved away. My father was born in Juneau but moved when he was five years old, moving back in his early adolescent years. His parents were LCSWs and moved to different reservations in the 70’s, to “help” ingenious communities -note, both of my grandparents are white. My connection to Juneau has grown because it’s where I met my husband, settled down with children, and have had many life-learning experiences. It’s just been within the past three years, that Juneau has truly felt like my home. While I was growing up, I felt displaced, and like I was a guest in Juneau –but not anymore.
I find that I crave connecting and spending time in the land that surrounds me. Juneau has made me appreciate the land in more ways than I can describe. I’ve realized how connected my emotional health is to the weather and whether or not I’m spending time outside. While I’m away, the part of home that I miss is the tall mountains, the fresh crisp air, the smell of the ocean, the sound of walking on rocky beaches, and the smell of the forest vegetation. Before buying a house, I found myself driving to a specific beach and trailhead to walk my dog. It’s where I felt a sense of calm and enjoyment; I’m lucky that I was able to buy a house next to that very beach and trail, where I spend most of my days with my kids. The experience of raising my puppy (now a 6-year-old dog) and now my young twin toddlers, I have many memories of the land next to my physical home.
My entire family (three sisters and several nieces/nephews), besides my parents, live in the Midwest. Throughout my childhood and adolescent stages, we rarely took vacations to other places because my two older sisters lived with their father in Minnesota, so my vacations were visiting my sisters. I never saw a problem with this; I found pride in having roots in the Midwest. I enjoyed the lakes, muggy hot summer days, large fields of grass to run in, and most of all, my sisters and grandfather. Thinking of Minnesota fills my chest with warmth and spreads a smile across my face; I’ve realized that Minnesota is also part of my home and where I am from.
After having my children, I’ve felt this tug in my soul or spirit to spend more time in Minnesota, thoughts of spending months at a time there. I was investigating where this thought or “tug” was stemming from and I realized it’s from the ancestral work I’ve been doing, largely because of the social work program. My ancestors occupied the land long before settlers came to America, specifically Minnesota and North Dakota. I’m part of the Ojibwe tribe and the first generation of my family to not have spent time on the reservation. The history I’m learning is shaping me into a person who appreciates what’s around me and is grateful for what the land gives me. However, part of me is sad that I can’t learn my history from my family members, sadly, my grandmother didn’t pass on information to my mother, in the hopes of protecting her. Before taking an interest in my ancestors, I was preoccupied with wanting to be on trend with society – fashion, phones, cars, and a successful career based on other people’s opinions. An example of how I’ve noticed a change, is I’m finding myself more fulfilled by picking berries and providing my family with a tasty treat than any purchase or fancy outfit has made me feel. Learning to slow down, give thanks, and be present has been a major shift. The more I learn about my tribe and our traditions, the more I understand that there is a deep connection between the land I occupy and my overall mental well-being.
This leads me to another realm that has greatly shaped who I am and that’s spirituality. Growing up in Juneau, my mother brought me to church every Sunday. This experience and place introduced me to spirituality, which is something that I’ve leaned on during difficult times, but also joyful times. I don’t go to church now, but I did learn that time of prayer or meditation, can help regulate my nervous system when I start to feel especially frantic or anxious. Not only that, but I’ve learned the power of being “in tune” with my body and feelings. Did church teach me those things? Not exactly, but it opened the door of curiosity and led me to search for a spiritual practice that felt right to me, even though that doesn’t include attending a church or religious denomination.
I spent some years working at an investment agency, where I sat in a cubical for eight hours staring at a computer. I can’t talk about the places that have changed me without acknowledging the many hours I spent in my cube. I dreaded going to work every day, the place itself made me feel tired, melancholy, and overall antsy. I was getting paid a decent wage and the agency itself had a good reputation – two things that I believed made it a “good” job. I would often say, “I want to quit my job and work with people.” Every single response was, “Make it a hobby, don’t quit your good job.” I longed to work with people, help people, and use the time I have on earth doing something that made a difference (sounds super cliché, I know.) After having my twins, something in my brain clicked, and I realized that I could make my own decisions without the validation of others. I attribute the change of mindset to motherhood, but also the very real feeling of being trapped in a cubical. To some that may seem like an easy decision, but for me, it felt like the end of the world to quit and apply to the UAF Social Work program; it’s the best personal decision I’ve ever made. When was the last time you made a decision that felt scary but ended up being worth it?
I’ve since realized that the part that seemed scary was the opinions of others. Why did I ever let other people’s opinions carry so much weight?
Comments
10 responses to “Places, People, Peace”
Hi Alexa,
Beautiful pictures and family. I like the fact that you moved forward with what you want to do. Desk job is boring and it comes with so much stress mostly from colleagues and boss. I think working with people directly is more meaningful and rewarding. Good luck in your journey!
Hi Ana,
Thank you for taking the time to read my post! Nice seeing your name in another course! I agree, that desk jobs are very boring and people can make it a lot worse or sometimes better. It’s definitely for some people though, which I respect. I’m excited to start putting my schooling into practice 🙂
Hi Alexa,
I can relate to this in many ways. I also grew up in Juneau and did not quite feel a connection to it or feel in place.
It was not until I met my boyfriend in 2018 that I really felt at home and like I never wanted to leave Juneau (This seems lame but I think you can understand where I am coming from). This sense only strengthened when I found my current job. Juneau has many faults – but for those who have a community here it can be the most amazing place in the world.
I have also recently gotten into meditation. Its magic! I always laughed and dismissed it growing up. But recently I have been having trouble sleeping and I was recommended sleep hypnosis. It opened up an entire world into meditation and relaxation. I am obsessed
Thank you for sharing,
Kaia
Hi Kaia,
Nice to see you in another class again! I feel the same way; I don’t want to leave Juneau either and I used to dream of the day I could leave. It’s amazing how much finding your “tribe” can do!
I was skeptical of meditation at first, but it does wonders. The hardest part for me was letting go of my thoughts and just allowing myself to be.
Best,
Alexa
Hi Alexa, thank you so much for sharing. You have a beautiful family and I am beyond happy to hear that you are following your passion and going forth in the same program as all of us. One thing I have loved about this class has been being able to hear everyone’s stories about how they have entered the Social Work program and how unique each of our stories is.
Hi Lane,
Thank you! I enjoy reading everyone’s stories as well, it’s always so meaningful to understand people’s different experiences and how they made their way to social work. It’s one of the many reasons I like this program so much!
Hi Alexa, I can so relate with you about working in a cubicle for eight hours a day. That’s awesome about the UAF Social Work Program. I work in a cubicle right now, but not liking it anymore and believe that I can do better. I filed for several social work positions for the state this week, and feel hopeful. Your story of transitioning to social work encourages me that I can do it too. Thank you for sharing, and you have a beautiful family.
Hi Victor,
Thank you for taking the time to read my blog! I wish you the best of luck and I hope you get a job offer you’re passionate about! I will say, that one of my favorite jobs was a cubical job, but I was helping people and that’s that part I enjoyed; I should have added that in my blog 🙂
Hi Alexa!
The thing that drew me to your blog is your very eye-catching feature photo, seeing as how it’s my favorite color.
There were a few things that drew me closer to your writings. I admire how you described how connected you were to the lands you mentioned. To the smallest detail, you identified what makes you connected to your home, your land. I admire that. As I continued reading your blog, it wasn’t hard for me to find things to admire about you and where you came from.
The one thing I could say that really connected me to your writing was your ability to talk about your religion. I grew up similar in a way where we went to church every Sunday and every holiday. When I grew up, I realized that this was something I was not comfortable with. I found the idea of church toxic, in terms of the people I have in my community. I am on the adventure of finding “the power of being in tune with my body and my feelings”, as you described that you have.
You also mentioned how it was scary for you to break out of the cubical structure of your own job. I totally understand. But I truly think you did what you had to do to find your true passion in life. I’m proud of you for sharing that.
And lastly, I am beyond awe of you for being so strong to share that you did once care about what other people thought of you. That it weighed you down in life, some people can’t admit that right away.
Thank you for sharing.
Hi Carmen,
Thank you for taking the time to read my blog and leave such a thoughtful response! Like you, I had encounters will toxic relationships and people at church, I think that’s what ultimately drew me away and the fear-based teaching. I’m happy to hear that you’re on a journey to become more in tune with your body and feelings – it’s a lot of work, but so worth it! I’m still very much in the beginning stages and will probably be a lifelong journey for me. Thank you for sharing with me about part of your journey and experiences!
After writing my blog and submitting it, I reflected on the piece regarding being a people pleaser and I realized, I still do it, but in a different way. Instead of being upfront about certain things, for example, I will laugh instead of saying that I feel uncomfortable. It was a great reflection moment and I now know that I still have work to do in that arena as well!